1 September 2002
Doris Lee Butterworth
Little is known or reported about mixed marriages and perhaps because of the politically correct times that we're living in, no-one likes to draw attention when two people from different races enter into a relationship. My parents are both from Hong Kong and I married a white, Scottish man, but I have to confess, I still look and have a little stare when I see a mixed couple walking down the street, especially if they're Chinese and Caucasian.

In my experience, it's more common to see a white man and an Asian woman together, while it's far less frequent that you see a Chinese male and a white female together. I know very few mixed couples but that could be due to my upbringing. I grew up in a small mining village in the north east of England, and apart from cousins and relatives, I was in almost constant contact with Caucasian people.

While my western background and mentality certainly gives me a much stronger leaning towards England rather than Hong Kong, I consider myself to be Chinese-English rather than English-Chinese. My husband Andrew understands this and he has also experienced some of the duality in his life. Having lived in Scotland for two thirds of his life, he like me, came to London for work. While strangers still judge me by my Asian features, his is more the case of whenever he opens his mouth, everyone automatically knows that he is Scottish.

So, how significantly has the mixture of Chinese and Scottishness affected our relationship and marriage? The answer is that our different cultures probably have had very little noticeable impact. In some ways I joke that my husband is more Chinese than I am. It was Andrew who suggested that we go to a local further education college so that we could both learn Cantonese, while he can also stand to sit through a tedious Chinese film much longer than I am prepared to. He is also more clued up on Chinese traditions even if his lack of enthusiasm for China's greatest invention - fireworks - leaves a lot to be desired.

Our wedding arrangements also took into account both my Chinese culture and his Scottish one. So, while our engagement party was at a Chinese restaurant, our wedding was traditionally English, with some kilts, and some Chinese touches. However, I don't feel that we have ever felt compromised by our different cultures in the eight years we've known each other. He knows how important and proud I am of being Chinese and I know to support Scotland over England at any international football matches.

We've also been fortunate in that both sets of parents are supportive and make the effort with each other to appreciate the differences. Although my mum's English is pretty limited, she will always make the effort to have a conversation with my husband in English and my mother-in-law has been known to serve up a few Char Siu buns in her time.

As two independent people, perhaps a test of how the two cultures will meet is when we have children. Ideally, we'd both like the children to speak English and Chinese but as my Chinese is pretty poor, then it's likely they'll have to go to the dreaded Chinese classes that I was subjected to when I was younger. I am hoping, however, that they will actually pay attention and learn a lot more than when I ever did!

My personal feelings and experiences are that relationships are about common goals, interests and ambitions, and the background that you're from or the race that you are does not always have to be a loaded issue.