| Does it bother you that Im Chinese? |
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3 October 2000 Ruth thinks about what being one half of a mixed race couple means to her ..
It was a funny question to ask really. I sometimes wonder where it came from. None of my previous boyfriends (all white) had ever asked me if it bothered me that they liked Dire Straits (it did), if it bothered me that they had floppy blond hair (it didn't) or if it bothered me that they had secretly decided to meet up with their ex-girlfriend at weekends behind my back (no comment...). Some might say these aren't really integral aspects of their characters and personalities (some, like me, would have to disagree!) and I suppose Richard's question was potentially more of a probe to see, perhaps, if I was prejudiced in any way, or if maybe I was worried about any consequences we might face as a mixed race couple. I suppose we've been lucky. We haven't really encountered any parental disapproval because of our chosen partner. I can remember us being jeered at maybe only once or twice, by strangers, whilst we've been together, and it's never been anything serious. Rather than his race being a problem, it's simply a part of who he is, and another reason why I love him. Just as much as my own mish-mash heritage, with Danish great-grandparents makes up who I am. It's true that as a little girl the partner I conjured up for myself in my imagination was white, tall, swaying between blonde hair and dark hair depending on my latest 'famous person' crush. But then, as a little girl, in my imagination I also held the strong belief that this partner would not only be a movie-star style handsome Prince, but it would be discovered that I had been swapped at birth and that I was actually a beautiful (transformed overnight!) Princess, and we'd go and live in a pink castle (preferably of the magical variety) by the sea...! Richard being Chinese does make him look different appearance-wise but then, none of the men I've been attracted to have ever looked similar, my tastes varying from Captain Picard to Pierce Brosnan to Jason Donovan (many shameful moons ago...). I think my 'ideal man' scenarios as a little girl were never with anyone other than a white man simply because the role models I saw for relationships were almost always white with white - there aren't many fairytales in the British media with a Chinese protagonist. Most of the time I'm completely oblivious to the fact that Rich and I are a mixed race couple. It just isn't an issue. But I have noticed that since meeting him I've been a lot more aware of other mixed race couples around me. I have been known to stare in an entranced manner at couples I see around London, where one partner is Chinese, the other white, particularly if they have children. I'm also growing more aware of Chinese/white couples who are now just starting to feature in the media. There aren't very many. When I was at University there were the quietly conspicuous couple in Star Trek : The Next Generation of the Engineer and his wife, Keiko (Japanese, but it was near enough for me!) and then there was the brief coupling on Friends of Ross and Julie. More recently there's been the coupling of Ling and Richard Fish on Ally McBeal. I got very excited recently when I realised that the increasingly popular writer, J.K.Rowling may be on the verge of introducing a Chinese/white mixed race couple into her Harry Potter series. I have noticed through the run of books the suggestion that Harry may well become attached to the pretty Ravenclaw student, Cho Chang! This is also interesting in the light of the recent translation into Chinese of Harry Potter (Hali Bote) which will perhaps create a new type of mixed race role model for children (and adults!) reading in both English and Chinese. I'd love to see more of this. I'd love for my kids to have characters in books, in films and on tele which reflected their own background. I'd love for it to become less of a rarity, more commonplace, for us to see Chinese/white couples. And most importantly, I'd love for each of these couples to feel the same way I do - that it's not an issue. That being with someone who's heritage is from another cultural background isn't a problem, it's simply another opportunity to learn more about them, and more about yourself. As I said before, Richard and I have been lucky, and maybe one day it'll be that way for everyone.
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I've been one half of a mixed race couple for six and a half years now. It's something that I don't really think about. It's never been much of an issue between us. There was a day, not long after we'd first got together, when we went shopping in Sainsbury's one weekend. In the midst of fighting over who was going to 'drive' the shopping trolley, Richard suddenly asked 'does it bother you that I'm Chinese?' I had to stop and think for a minute. Did it bother me? Since I hadn't ever really thought about it I concluded that it didn't and of course, it still doesn't.
