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I have decided not to write about racism, as I am sure you all have felt it at
some point or other, but about my inner duality as a Eurasian. Obviously racism
has made some contribution to the person I am today, but by duality, I mean the
split between East and West that I and some off you may feel inside.
I have divided these experiences and points of view in to two categories,
even they are intertwined.
Adoption
I am adopted, born Korean, but carry a Danish passport. This happened at
the early age of 1, so I should not really have any memory or social attributes
from
my Korean ancestry.
I remember very few things of my childhood, my parents were kind and loving
as parents should be. Its was first really when I interacted with other children
and people that I noticed my physical difference to everyone else. I remember
this aggravating me endlessly, as I always stood out and was reminded of
this frequently.
Inside I felt and have always felt Danish, perhaps even more than
true Danes. But even so, who could tell. As a teen, I recall meeting few other
Asians as
myself, but would feel uneasy going out as a group, in fear of not being recognized
as what I felt inside. While growing up, I had many part-time jobs as kids
do,
it was first here it really dawned on me how people really saw me, comments
like, “you
speak Danish very well”, and obviously I did not look like a Dane.
At the same time I did not really tell anyone of these experiences, what
good would it do?, - thought that by mentioning it, I would just confirm
how different
I was. I guess I accepted being treated differently.
Today, having been in Korea, I still feel as if I am missing something inside,
as if part of me, is lost. I have a kid, but I will never be able to tell him
about his background, because I don’t know it. I can’t tell him where
I am from, what my family is like, what being Korean is about. So what do I tell
him when he has had the honor off being called a rice cooker and he wants to
know why? – Except that the kids don’t know better. I can’t
tell him about his ancestors, which is the reason for looking the way he does.
But I guess it is a story told or thought of often by many in similar situations.
And it is something which will not be rectified in my life or in my sons.
Eurasian
In my adult life, I have been as productive and active as any person. I have
build up a business, which runs through most of Northern Europe and try to
establish myself in life on a personal level.
Successful or not, I am categorized or categorize myself as a Eurasian, as
I am not a European, although my passport says differently. –why?
Being aware of my Asian background, I have obviously explored this and try
to learn more. I travel often to SEA, as I feel comfortable there. We all look
similar and I do not stand out, so I belong, but I don’t.
Back home in Spain, I work and have some good friends, but beyond this, I have
grown to be a very private person, tired of having to deal with assumptions
of which Chinese restaurant I own or work in. Apparently, Asians are Chinese
and cannot do anything else.
I am amazed at how we are treated at times, we are good enough to pay and contribute
financially to our society, but are then left out in so many ways. You might
think me over sensitive, but eyes do not lie.
Obviously in the cities and metropoles of Europe, there is a much higher level
of integration of society, but even then you find a great difference in attitude
towards all outsiders, although really insiders. Add our own confusion on top
of that and you get nothing but inadequacy and insecurity.
So what am I saying – we need to stand out more in life, make a mark
for ourselves and excel, through this, we will get noticed and perhaps acceptance
will grow in hand with better education and information of the general public.
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