23 May 2000
Sammy Torres

For a couple of months we were in a love daze and then it finally dawned on us about our parents. I knew my dad was very much against interracial dating and I discovered so was his parents. I don't know how we survived it. We were trying to study and at the same time lying to our parents about where we were going and who we were going out with.

Over the years it felt like we were outcasts ourselves, not only to each other's communities but also to the whole society. We noticed people staring and we often wondered whether people thought it was a disgrace or if they felt we were brave to do what we wanted to do. I suppose after time we didn't notice it so often.

The good thing was that after time, we made much effort to get to know each other's culture. I began going to Chinese New year celebrations with Geoff and he started to go to Spanish restaurants. We began to notice that the division that society makes out to exist between races wasn't really there. In fact there was a lot of similarities in how all families lived and brought children up. The only difference was colour and we never seemed to notice that.

As time passed and we both finished our studies. The reality of us just going out passed and we were a couple who had gone through years of pretence. We decided that it was time to tell our parents the truth and face the consequences. We believed that both families would disown us and were prepared to live with that fate.

My parents reacted opposite to what I thought. All they could say was that I was over eighteen and there was nothing they could do. Geoff's family didn't really like the idea and didn't want to know until we were getting married. But our persistence and strength showed them that it wasn't going to change. They realised that if they wanted to have us in their lives, they had to accepted it, and gradually they did. We both started going to each other's parents for dinner, then birthdays and Christmases.

About two years ago we moved out to a rented flat and now we are moving to our own home in June. We have been together now nearly nine years. We have been through a lot but it has been worth it otherwise we wouldn't be together and where we are today. Our future looks promising with our own home and hopefully we'll be getting married in a couple of years time. What is really nice is that we both have families that support us and wish us happiness.

I feel very sad that some people miss out on love because of their parents preference. We believe that if you love each other you will be together. Parents will eventually come round if they have their child's happiness at heart. I think parents respect your decision once you have proved how serious and mature you are. Unfortunately I don't know whether other mixed couples have had a happy ending like Geoff and I.

Praise and some suggestions - read Steve Palmers comments.

Dimsum would very much like to hear your opinions on this. Have your inter racial relationships been affected in a negative or positive way?

Please send your comments to: This email address is being protected from spam bots, you need Javascript enabled to view it