How should I deal with this?

newcomer123 · Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 3

Hi everyone

I'm currently 23, ethnic Chinese from the mainland and living by myself in a shared house in Chelmsford, Essex due to the requirements of work.

Last night when I returned home my housemate was in a very bad mood. It looked like there is some kind of personal/relationship issue with her. She demonstrated her anger and annoyance explicitly by slamming the door of her room etc. When I politely told her to stop making such noises and asked her what was the problem, her anger began to turn towards me for no good reason. She accused me of making sounds in the shower (which I do sometimes as a part of my washing routine), she threatened that she would move out, and she also turned the music downstairs on and relatively loud for most of the night, in order to actively disturb my sleep.

I was in my own room, but often when she walked past my door I could hear her saying "I can do whatever I like in my own house!" and also a few racist insults such as "Chinese twat".

Frankly I think my housemate is somewhat emotionally unstable, to have such an explicit degree of anger towards me for no good reason at all. How should I best deal with this situation?

Thank you

chuntruong · Joined: 11 Sep 2007 Posts: 28

Hi

How long have you been living with this housemate? How often has these outbursts occurred?

I assume she like you also rents the place so you have every right as her to enjoy the place. I think she sounds difficult to live with and you may want to conisder moving out and getting a new house mate. You could complain to your landlord but that may just make her more angry and intent on making your life hell

newcomer123 · Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 3

Hi

Do you think I should think about taking some legal action at this stage? I think what she did last night - to deliberately turn on the music very loudly to disrupt my sleep and shouting racial slurs - can literally be considered as a form of harassment.

But then again it might be in practice quite difficult to do this in this country, especially since she is actually white English.

chuntruong · Joined: 11 Sep 2007 Posts: 28

Harrassment is hard to prove and would have to be constant over a long period of time

I do not think that her being white means she can get away with it!!

All I am saying is it will be a lot of trouble and she will then make your life hell so maybe you should just think about moving out?

chunxueping · Joined: 24 Jun 2007 Posts: 474 Location: Surrey, UK

quietman · Joined: 26 Nov 2007 Posts: 56 Location: Liverpool

If you were to take legal actions, you would need evidence. I hope you sort out the problem peacefully.

To back up your story to the landlord or somebody else, maybe you could secretly record yor flatmate's rants/abuse. Most digital cameras nowadays come with a video mode which records sound.

Not sure about the machete Very Happy

.

chunxueping · Joined: 24 Jun 2007 Posts: 474 Location: Surrey, UK

Too early for legal resort, need to show long pattern of racist abuse to get ASBO or whatever.

Intimidation is better resort, show her what Chinese woman is made of!!!

newcomer123 · Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 3

Would it be a good idea to tell my landlord about this at the present time? The landlord is an Indian lady, she is very stingy and greedy but also being a minority might understand the racist aspects of the issue.

I should have recorded some of the insults she made. I do have a voice recorder on my phone, unfortunately, it did not occur to me to do this at the time.

ex-VAG · Joined: 13 Dec 2006 Posts: 439

So one night of not getting on and you think legal action is the way forward by throwing in the racial card?? Rolling Eyes

Deary me, has this happened just the once? Sounds like it has from your initial post. Did she say what was wrong when you asked her? How many others are in the house? Were you mates with her before moving in, did you get on before last night?

Calling you a Chinese twat isn't a racial insult, you may well be a twat coupled with the fact that you're Chinese, putting the two words together doesn't make it racist. If she'd said Chinky/yellow/slanty eyed etc.. twat then yes.

Just out of curiosity, what kind of weird noises do you make in the shower?
If she's threatened to move out, let her, what's the big deal? Why go running to the landlord, what do you expect them to do?
If one of my tenants told me that, I'd shrug my shoulders and say "So?"

Sounds like you're asking for advice after giving half the story.....

Edwina Lee · Joined: 06 Oct 2006 Posts: 632 Location: High Wycombe, UK

newcomer123,

<<"Frankly I think my housemate is somewhat emotionally unstable, to have such an explicit degree of anger towards me for no good reason at all.">>

You are absolutely right, and there is hardly anything you can do about it. If she does enough damage or if she endangers herself or someone else, she can be sectioned for mental disorder.

Meanwhile, if this happens too often for you, get out of there for your own sake.

If your employer is involved, keep them informed of the situation. He/she might be able to help you.

Edwina xx

Jeff Minter · Joined: 31 Aug 2006 Posts: 319

I like how people are all nice and civilised with different races and cultures,but as soon as it all goes to pot we become all primal on each other. Ahhh, humanity.

There are two ways to go about it.

1) She's had a tough day. You telling her not to do something is only going to piss her off further. Be reasonable, ask her if she's OK the next day, kiss and make up, turn lesbian and have rampant interracial sex.

2) The legal way. Yes, it is a crimeto racially harrass you (including racial based insults). The local authority will recommend you to talk to the person in question to solve the problem, but if you are frightened of how the person might react, you can go and get advice from the C.A.B, local community group or police. You can then make a formal complaint there.

The noise problem; if you really want to get arsey about this, since your situation sounds like a one off, contact the landlord. They are obligated to tell the tenant a complaint has been made (they will keep your identiy secret, but of course she will probably know it's you).

Once you've done that once though, you can go straight to the local Environmental Health Dept (just go the your Town Hall and ask for it); they will give you a form template, which is a big chunk of paper to note down noise, when it happened, how long for and how it affected you. Do this for two weeks and send the form off.

They will then send a letter to them telling them to stop. If they don't comply, tell them again, they will send down an environmental health officer to your place and dump some recording equipment there. They'll come back after a week, decide if it's noisy, and serve an abatement notice. If the tenant doesn't comply with the order again, FINALLY the council can come in and forcibly remove the equipment making the noise OR prosecute them.

---------------

As you can tell, it's a long winded process. I just thought I'd say that a) Racial discrimination, even on a seemingly petty level, is still a crime;
b) action can be taken, at least to rattle their cage a little.

I know all this because during uni a flatmate became a MAJOR nuisance for a lot of tenants who lived next to him. Of course, we grouped together, learnt the procedures and along with the landlord kicked him out. He actually has an ASBO in the city now, lol.

[/b]

darkgold · Joined: 19 Jun 2007 Posts: 21

I used to have this housemate who always threw the race card - he was disgusting. He used to piss in bottles abd leave them outside near the front door and was even rude to the landlord. No matter what race your landlord is, they usually do not get involved with tenants behavioural problems-before anyone asks how does this dumb mongrel know, I've been through it and still go through it. First impressions are always a must-you're female and Chinese, and that already says something to ignorant shits like your housemonster as they seem to put us in the quiet, weak and docile catergory. If you don't show your strengths, they will always put you down. The troll that I lived with never dared mention my race in front of me, no matter how rude he was because I used to have really loud conversations about racism and throwing the race card so he could hear them and he knew he couldn't beat me on that argument. He still threw my cutlery (chopsticks ) in the bin though. By all means, let your landlord know how much of a racist slag this housemoron is, but you can't change her. In the meantime, find accomodation elsewhere.

siu mai · Joined: 13 Jun 2007 Posts: 363 Location: In the sky

No one has asked what newcomer thinks the reason of the flatmate's irrational behaviour might be caused by?

Why did she utter under her breathe that she can do whatever she wants in her own flat?

There must have been a reason for her to say this as no one would say such a thing for no reason.

Edwina Lee · Joined: 06 Oct 2006 Posts: 632 Location: High Wycombe, UK

Siu Mai,

The world is full of difficult, irrational and unreasonable people. Trying to change such people usually ends in failure and unhappiness on all sides.

Moving on is usually wise in such situations. The person is not worth knowing, so why stick together? Life is short, and time is valuable.

siu mai · Joined: 13 Jun 2007 Posts: 363 Location: In the sky

Yeah I guess so Edwina that's so true Exclamation

I'm going to take your opinion and remember what you said here, especially when I come across people who are really horrible at work or just in every day encounters!

Newsfeeds

Latest Posts

	Dimsum Forum Index -> Ask Dimsum!	All times are GMT + 1 Hour Goto page 1, 2 Next
Page 1 of 2