Chinese mixed relationships - views please!

Edwina Lee · Joined: 06 Oct 2006 Posts: 632 Location: High Wycombe, UK

mikeuk,

The art of being different and happy is to be able to ignore people who do not matter, but concentrate on people whose opinions do matter.

There is no way, via an individual's personal experience, to survey the attitudes of hundreds of people, let alone 1300 million people.

People express their opinions for all sorts of reasons, and much of that are fleeting feelings that they do not truly hold.

joybetluck · Joined: 25 Aug 2007 Posts: 147

Hi mikeuk
You should take that as a complement! People only dwell on things that are pleasing to their eyes - a wealthy good looking foreigner. When I come across Chinese mixed race children they stare at me. I am no expert at mind reading but I get the impression they ask themselves How come my Dad is not as good looking as that Chinese man! Laughing

The ball is on your court to explain to your children the facts of live when they grow up!

mikeuk · Joined: 11 Jul 2008 Posts: 11 Location: London

Edwina Lee,

phoenix2light · Joined: 16 Jul 2008 Posts: 1

I came across this topic while searching for pictures of mixed chinese/white people (curious to see what both my boys may or may not look like when their older).

Anyhow, I got to reading and decided to add some of my own experience in this. I'm white, my husband is a chinese. The one thing that makes our relationship alot different from other mixed couples is that my husband has lived all his life in China so he feels very strongly connected to the way of life there. We had alot of issues as far as cultural differences go in our relationship, the main one being how a girlfriend (this was much earlier in our relationship) should act and the things she should do in a relationship. The hard part was not changing each other but learning to adapt to both cultures. We really had to buckle down and figure it out when we had our first child two and a half years ago.

I know the differences between a chinese man/white woman and a chinese woman/white man relationship but just wanted to say that even this type is still difficult. I don't get perceived as trash but I get alot of rude comments about the size of my mans you know what as well as other men (of alot of races) commenting on how they would be a much better boyfriend to me then my husband. It's sad really, and disrespectful. You love who you love, it's that simple. I decided alot earlier on though to stop defending our relationship and just ignore everyone else (it was easy to do as well, being that my husband is insanely jealous I learned not to pay attention to anyone else haha). I think chinese men and women are different though when in relationships. All the chinese men I know (and this is an opinion of chinese men that live in China, since we live in China) are exteremly proud and dislike showing that you've hurt them (although they do show their anger pretty quickly) and chinese women always cater to their men. When I say cater I don't mean literally in the sense of food I mean cater to all their wants/needs. Every time I've ever had an arguement with my husband, all of my chinese friends would say things to me about how I should just accept that this is the way this is and should not get mad and just let it go. It used to bug me that they didn't fight back more, but then I realize that this is a trait way more common with white women that are independant.

Now, in now way am I putting chinese men or women down that are in China, I just see it as different, not bad. Alot of people ask me how I can live in a country that throws away female babies and I have to really look at them and answer in the best way they will understand "it's not bad there exactly, just different. Their beliefs and society just does things differently".

Now moving on to another point of view, both of our sons are mixed. Ever since I had my first, I stopped getting any kind of negative feedback period. I do get the occasional leer from a white guy (when in Canada or another country) but never hear or experience anything bad at all. I suppose after you have children and are married, people realize you're very serious about the commitment you've made and it's not just someone with a fantasy. Of course, I didn't originally start dating my husband for any specific reason other then he was handsome, had a sense of humor when he first saw me and had the courage to ask me out (I always thought of chinese before then as extremely shy when it comes to women).

Last thing, I read on the first page a comment about how men act in asian countries...something about how they don't go around yelling at their women or something such as. I'll have to disagree as far as China specifically goes. We've lived in two cities and travelled to a few others here, and I've seen all over men and women fighting. I've seen it in other countries too but only here did I actually see a man (yes more then once) hit a woman right in the street and nobody do anything about it. Now granted, none of them were actually beating their wives just more like a smack across the face once, but being from somewhere else I still wanted to step in. I've been taught since a little girl that that was a no no. I don't think it's that common or well...any more or less common then it is anywhere else just not as hidden as it is everywhere else. My cousin is a police woman in the states and she tells me that she has alot of calls to homes in which she has to arrest someone in a domestic dispute, but it's always at their homes and usually pretty bad.

Edwina Lee · Joined: 06 Oct 2006 Posts: 632 Location: High Wycombe, UK

PhoenixToLight,

Domestic violence in UK is truly aweful. The official statistics reflect this, and my personal experience reflect that as well.

I've come across numerous women I knew who faced serious domestic violence. These are not slap across the face or the odd punch, but brutal use of implements to cause serious injuries.

Only last x'mas when returning home in the dark, I came across a young manbeating up his ex-wife who wanted to collect maintenance money. The abuse was aimed at making her life hell, and when he started really beating her up, I intervened with my 30 lb rugsack still on my back. I thought passer bys would deter, but after they walked by, he turned on me. . . .

I've come across numerous incidents in the streets in broad daylight where the man was openly abusive to the woman in the vilest ways and the woman just stand there and listen and cry, but no one dare to intervene and no law enforcement officers come. Unprovoked knife violence is a really scary thing in society today.

wotsitallabout · Joined: 16 Aug 2008 Posts: 1

I found this article out of curiosity by searching google for information on Chinese girls and how they view relationships. My scenario is as follows...

I'm a white male born, brought up and living in England. I've never had an interracial relationship and am certainly not suffering from "yellow fever" which is a horrible term I've just picked up from reading this topic! Anyway, an absolutely beautiful Chinese girl has come into my life and I think I might be falling for her.

Unfortunately at the moment she has a boyfriend - I know, I shouldn't get involved but the vibe I pick up is that she's not entirely happy in her current relationship with a Chinese man also living in the UK. We get along very well and the language barrier is such that certain things are misunderstood but her English is good enough to have flowing conversations and certainly isn't bad enough to be seen as a barrier in any potential relationship (by me anyway).

Since I've acknowledged to myself that I have a crush on this girl I've become fascinated by the cultural differences and my mind has been racing recently because of the challenge to work out if there's any chance of something happening. I don't know how to read her body language because if she was English I would be 99% sure of some of the signs but because I know virtually nothing of Chinese culture, I don't know if she realises the interpretation I have of some of the signals! She's not shy in body contact put it that way, and I haven't seen her like this around other males!

One of the things I want to know is the liklihood of Chinese girls ending relationships with Chinese men if they are not happy. And another thing I want to know is how Chinese girls living in England view having relationships with white males like me. The latter point I've picked up a lot of useful information from this topic and I've got to admit to myself that it's not looking good!

As for other aspects of the whole Chinese girl/white man relationship which have been discussed here I have my own views but think I may come across as naive in some. I certainly respect the Chinese culture and want to learn more about it. I've read enough about the Chinese language to realise it's a very time consuming and pretty much impossible task to learn (reference http://www.pinyin.info/readings/texts/moser.html ). This is obviously a major stumbling block especially when reading on here about the family back home in China factor and obviously the girl being the only offspring because of the 1 child policy.

I'm not the sort of person who thinks having a Chinese girlfriend would mean having a submissive partner who does all my cooking and cleaning and whatever I ask. I'm not like that but I know a lot of men who would be so I can understand why some have that point of view. I'm also aware that some of the most beautiful people are of mixed race and it's the way forward for humanity (look at Tiger Woods for a great example). I would be happy for my offspring to have half Chinese eyes after all this girl has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen!

I've been daydreaming about scenarios and this is where the naive factor comes in. I've convinced myself that it would be a plus for a Chinese girl living in the UK and who wants to stay indefintely to get together with a local male who knows the culture better and would look after her, stop any exploitation and defend against ignorant racism. I also think the vast cultural differences would keep a relationship alive through the fascination of finding out more about each other and sharing aspects of each others culture in our own lives.

Hypothetically in this sort of relationship I would encourage the girl to mix with Chinese friends and be someone to come back home to and enjoy each others company behind closed doors. That's just a matter of showing respect for the different culture, and I wouldn't try to turn myself Chinese in effort to fit in, just be myself and hope that's good enough for it to work.

As you can see my scenario is that of a crush and lots of torturous daydreaming trying to work out if it's viable to pursue. I think it's very unlikely anything will come of it because it's unlike anything I've had before and the more information I read the less I'm convinced it's a possibility. But everyone is different and you never know, this girl could end up being "the one"!

Thank you for listening and any advice is appreciated.

Lan Zeird · Joined: 19 Aug 2008 Posts: 6

yes mixed relationship is very common now and i saw many chinese mestiza. they look prettier than the native
_________________
http://www.ichatfilipina.com/

Kong · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 38 Location: Sheffield

In White mainstream culture it accepts chinese/asian women with white men couples. What white mainstream culture does not accept are chinese men with white women. White people are often obessessed with sex, and any women that can offer sex can be accepted into the white man culture.

I have known many times when a chinese man is having a relationship with a white women, and the white men will have a tendency to critize or try to break up the relationship in front of the white women dating the chinese man. One of the common places are late at night. One time one of my chinese mates went into a pub to see his white girlfriend and the white friend said 'I cant believe your goin out with a chink, i thought you could get better than that' he sat their with a smirk like a white-knight in shining armour saving her friend from the yellow peril. My friend went into a rage and was going to kick the living daylights out her girlfriend mate, what a dilema, unfortunely i calm him down and we left it. It is very common for white men to get in the way because of huge predjuices that chinese women care nothing about. The White men will intimidate or make fun out of the chinese man, as result of the mainstream white society preceiving asians as inferior with lower social standing or the pathetic nature of asian men. Chinese men and white women relationship are trouble. If you look at chinese women and white men relationship it is certainly less problematic. Where chinese women are sexually available, they are certainty easy to integrate, which can explain the difference between the numbers of mixed relationship between chinese men and chinese women.

ex-VAG · Joined: 13 Dec 2006 Posts: 439

Yeah yeah, all white man bad. All white man Kong come across bad! Kill them all.

chunxueping · Joined: 24 Jun 2007 Posts: 474 Location: Surrey, UK

and the Chinese women that make themselves available to white men.

Kong · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 38 Location: Sheffield

Hiya! What i mean is, that there is a stereotype among white people that chinese/asian women are dying to be with a white man. They need to be freed and liberated from your savage chinese culture. The poor chinese girl need to be saved by a white knight in shining armour from the cruelty of chinese men, and that you will do anything to get out. This is not what you think but what white people believe in. If you know about stereotypes. You would be aware of this one. It all well saying that people dont believe in these things, but i tell you something there are plenty of stupid white people out there, and there are plenty nice one that still have some form of prejudice and particular RULES FOR ETHNIC TYPES. If they come on to you it doesnt mean they dont have any predjuice towards you in my experience.

All white cultures are obsessed about sex. Conversely if you consider Chinese culture it is obsessed about food. Any women that hold the keys to the bedroom will have: -

* Sexual privileges
* Social privileges e.g easy to intergrate
* Inter-relationship privileges
* NonRacial Discrimination privilages
* Stereotyping advantages and disavantages
* Work privileges e.g promotion (Americian phenomenon)
* Less violence from white people (read my other article)

Alot of these privileges has to do with sex. For this reason, this is why so many chinese women have different outlook to white men in this white society.

Now compare this to a chinese man and why there are fewer chinese men and white women. Here are some of the characteristic of asian men.

* Pervert
* Asexual (sexually inward)
* Loveless
* Not a Gentlemen like the Whites
* Unpolite
* Savages
* Uncivilised
* Rude
* Smaller in parts
* Cannot satisfy their women
* No personality
* Boring
* Lifeless
* Charmless
* Weak
* Easy to bully
* No leadership skills
* Traditional
* Un-British
* Demanding
* Controlling
* Geeky
* No social skills
* Calculating
* Cunning
* Losers (no matter whatever background you have)
* Backstabbing
* Devious
* Spiteful
* Vindictive
* Unloyal
* Immoral
* No remorse
* No compassion
* No forgiveness
* Evil
* Gamble
* Money Obesessed
* Work hard
* Uses prostitutes
* Wise
* Good at Maths
* Bad as artists
* Cheap skate
* Quiet
* Ugly
* 4 eyes
* Brainy
* Cant speak properly without stuttering
* Happens to say everything with a WAA in it.
* Speaks bad english
* Funny accent
* Dirty
* Dont wash
* Not hygience
* Smelly
* Stink of takeaway
* Skinny
* Yellow
* Good at cooking
* Pray on white women
* Being slated by a large number of their own women
* Dorky
* Male Chavnistic pig
* All mouth and no substance
* Wife beaters
* Over educated! Save up to go back to study again!
* No style
* Nice Guy
* Never gets the women
* Sexist
* Runs a Takeaway or Restaurant
* Culturally Backward
* Culturally repressive towards all women
* Culturally brought up to treat women like crap
* Really thick or Really smart
* Or just low intelligence
* Incompetent
* To stupid to know what has been said because of the language barrier or out of weakness
* Stick to their own kind
* Want only sons
* A stupid laugh with a gulping sound
* Poor
* Chavs
* Feminime
* Rice queens
* Gay
* Cant talk properly unless its in a hightone
* Never fight
* Runaway from fights
* Cannot defend his women
* Basically women in the appearance of a man
* Kung Fu Nut
* There is more, Etc

If this was a white guy would you even date this guy! A better question would be, would you even give him a chance!! Im sorry to say that a lot of English women wudn't for face, and because of the fear of what other people think!!

ZarenaF · Joined: 12 Sep 2008 Posts: 1

I've come across this old chestnut whilst looking for mooncakes lol (okay so I got distracted Rolling Eyes

). Anyway, I'm horrified by the sheer number of chinese contributors shaking their fists shouting racism and stereotyping while doing the same themselves about the whites. Cultural differences are par for the course, but why should it interfere with the actual relationship? If people have a problem with a mixed race relationship and mixed race children surely that shows their narrowmindedness, and if they are narrowminded who cares what they think anyway?

Kong · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 38 Location: Sheffield

Hello newcomer!! I know its your first time so i wont be hard to you! How much do you really know about this subject, since this is your first post! Attacking my character in your post is very misleading and you are deliberately avoiding the issue! I have not mention anything about culture being in the way! This is a stereotype issue! Stop putting words into my mouth! I have no problem with mixed couples, but no one has ever gave a half decent explanation to the cause and the difference between the numbers of mixed couples between the chinese sexes. This is a detailed explanation to why there are many more chinese women/white men and less chinese men/white women. Since this is a stereotype issue. Are you saying that this country has no racist problems and that we chinese as minority do not suffer from any racist stereotyping in this country, and that colour is not an issue and in particular during selection and dating process. To believe this, is a very naive concept, and to believe that racism has no play in the numbers of interracial couples is narrowmindness in your part. Mentioning about white people and what they think is not stereotyping. Its the rules that the whites created, and how they preceive the inferior people around them. It is the minority races that are more open and willing to accept and recognize that the white majority comes in many different shapes, size, personalitys, tastes, etc, just like their own, and they also know not to judge and not to align stereotypes to white people out of prejudice instanteously, like they do towards minorities. The white majority are consider the medium or the most normal of the normal. I have never heard of the white majority being victimized by stereotyping, maybe there be a political party for a white rights movement to solve this problem. There is one party for this and its the BNP. Sex is what protects women like you in the real white world (e.g. white men are nice to you because they want to sleep with you). If you have some important aspect to contribute like critizing my explanation i will be happy to listen, instead of you just giving out your own very limited prespective and presuming that im against mixed couples is a another mistake on your part.

Its plain simple stereotypes are everywhere! Its that simple!! Cant be bothered now, going back to my reading!! Cya

Nina · Joined: 05 Feb 2007 Posts: 3

some comments in this thread are very silly and ignorant.

i am born within a mixed relationship with a white dad and a chinese mum and i would never ever have wanted anything else! i have had the privilege to learn about more than one culture and try to nurture both my chinese background and my non-chinese background. i love it.

my parents had a loving and caring marriage until my mother sadly passed away. some family members who married "as per tradition" have had very unhappy marriages...

basically it is just about individuals - as long as you accept and respect you partner and his/her culture, you can have a happy relationship regardless of your different cultures/backgrounds.

as for people looking down on mixed couples - this is 2008 after all...

Fruityboy · Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 11:11 am Post subject:

I wanna date a mixed girl :p It's on my things to do list Wink

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