Stalkers, a strange occurance on new year eve

kang dàyé

for weeks i get silent calls, always same number (m0bile ph0ne) maybe at least one a day . being out a lot of time maybe more i dont know about. when i try to return the call i get message "this m0bile is switched off" or person hangs up.

not last night, i get no less than 26 ! so i ph0ne bt nuisance call line on my computer ph0ne, land ph0ne rings 5 times whilst i am talking with same number on display!!!!! ph0ne the cops says the woman if it troubles you, i nearly choke on my coffee, what kind of advice is that? i a trying to play chess against computer and hope that one of my 2 sons will ph0ne to acknowledge that i am still alive and some nutcase keeps ringing my number and hanging up. what kind of person does this i ask the helpline woman? "you have got a stalker" maybe she says, nearly choke on my coffee again "what woman in her right mind would have me? i'm older than li bai for gods sake" i paraphrase my esteemed estranged inner one. waste of time talking to bt.

i apply some logic to this
1. the person is not going to do murder on me because even a crazy will not give me prior warning so i rule out my old enemies (most are dead now anyway)
2. this is an amateur stalker who doesnt know how to withheld a m0bile ph0ne number.
3. i will ph0ne my esteemed estranged inner one maybe she has a new m0bile telephone
( she says the same thing "you are being stalked"
and offers a couple of names the hangs up on me as usual)
4. speak to the person, but how?

the river brings me everything, ph0ne rings again the inner one this time, "dial the number with 141 in front she says" and hangs up again.

so i take the ceslestial advice and i gets throough to my tormentors answering box.

i quote my exact proffessorial accented words " this is a message for telephone number *********** your m0bile ph0ne has been calling my land ph0ne for two weeks now and is spoiling my chess game tonight, so if you are a stalker and are a woman between 55 and 75 i might just be available for anything you might have in mind, otherwise i am not interested in any proposition which does not involve sex with a woman in that age range i am prepared to raise the upper age limit providing strict confidentiallity is observed". (and then i added darkly) "i dont believe in cops anymore than I believe in santa, i have my own way of dealing with such matters,...... think about it!".

magic! it worked, i haven't had a single call since, mind you i also phoned my ingrate son who was busily getting drunk on a train and told him to share the mystery number with any fellow drunks he met in his home town.

happy new year. but its just another day... my chess score to-date is 电脑 237 我 3

chunxueping · Joined: 24 Jun 2007 Posts: 763 Location: Beijing, PRC

Aiya, that teach me for keeping ph0ne in back pocket of my jeans.... Sorry...

kang dàyé · Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 2:08 am Post subject:

kang dàyé · Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 3:00 am Post subject:

and good to know that a sense of humour is still in evidence.

i am in a queue at the post office the other day and this woman who looked as though she had just won a lemon sucking contest decided to assist me and ushered me to cashier number one where i faced a another lemon sucking contest finalist who got her electronic voice button mixed up so that she sounded as much like the man she had always wanted (to be). "what kind of foreign currency do you want?" she asks me. i dont want foreign currency,i just want to post this package to singapore and i held up a padded envelope and a book "you are in the wrong queue, i only do foriegn currency here" said the LSC (failure) so I wend my way back to the queuing station where i saw the LSC winner and i said to her "i just want to post a parcel" "you didn't say that" she justified her self, "you didn't ask!" "Cashier No 4" said the loudspeaker so steps forward to find the runner up in the LSC contest face to face (three in a row) . how much to singapore? putting the envelope and book on the scales. "£8 something" she said and took the book and the envelope, "but i need to put the address on it first" i said" "why haven't you put an address on it? she demanded "because haven't paid for it yet and i dont want your security guards to pump 7 bullets into my head. (i get followed in stores by weird looking old men in uniform who couldn't fight their way out of a queue of old women in marks and spencers). "so do you want to buy the envelope, that will be another £1 something" "is there an option to rent it?" i enquired innocently. the stoney face didn't crack, so I made her wait whilst i wrote the address and my address in english, pinyin and hanzi that's six times if your not good at maths.having done all that the impatient one looked at the book and says "is there anything inside this book that needs to be declared to customs." "well" says i it says on the title "50 Philosophical ideas you should know about" so i suppose there is plenty to declare."
Finally she says smugly " well it wont go today its christmas eve and we close in ten minutes" i really was glad to get out of that place.

so i am merrily stepping out to return to my empty hovel in the countryside i reach my car raise the bonnet and give the clutch lever a wack with the hammer I keep under the bonnet for that purpose and slam down the bonnet. at that moment my senile old brain shifts straight beck into gear "sh*t!" i forgot to pay for something else!!!!!

chunxueping · Joined: 24 Jun 2007 Posts: 763 Location: Beijing, PRC

Ahh is my ambition to get job in post office. All that power, with no responsibility and no need to be social. My dream job.

Look on bright side. In China you have to pay for the bullets.

chunxueping · Joined: 24 Jun 2007 Posts: 763 Location: Beijing, PRC

Jeff Minter · Joined: 31 Aug 2006 Posts: 342

Why would you limit the women to such an age range? Plenty of oldies going out with young, nubile lassies... just think of the Brits going to Thailand.

kang dàyé · Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:04 am Post subject:

checked the link, truly adorable, how elegant, how lady like , how young and pretty a classic beauty. you really must call me yeye, do you play the qin?

kang dàyé · Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:24 am Post subject:

chunxueping · Joined: 24 Jun 2007 Posts: 763 Location: Beijing, PRC

Aiya, dont we all need to get out more.

You are very kind, I am 39. I play violin, piano, and acoustic guitar. Play Qin is not one of my skills but I am experiment with GuZheng. These instruments are so complex to master. The techniques are so much more subtle than western instruments so great devotion is require.

I much admire Liu Fang who is great musician and mistress to Pipa and GuZheng music.

ex-VAG · Joined: 13 Dec 2006 Posts: 445

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