PEACE ALL !!! GUYS AND GALS STOP SLAGGING EACH OTHER OFF!!!

Phil · Joined: 19 Oct 2005 Posts: 15

To all

Hi, just some background, I'm 27 year old chinese doctor working in London, and I have been going out with a white girl for the last 8 months
I love girls, chinese, white , indian, or european girls but inter - relational racism happens both ways. Twice I was outnumbered and beaten by a gang of white guys purely because I was going out with a white English girl. I didn't let that stop me though because she was so kind, sweet, and of course good looking, and now we're planning to get engaged this month!. Being a cardiologist Doctor, I met her when she was a drug rep in a hotel dinner, and I had enough courage to write her a short poem and grab her for a date!. She makes me feel like the luckiest guy in the world. (She's blonde long hair got the cutest nose, sweetest lips and the most brilliant blue eyes,thin AND TALLER than me, and I'm 5"10! ) oh and yeah she has the Sexiest long legs ( She won't mind me commenting on that!). But the things I love about her the most is her warmth, fairness, kindness and humour. ( Don't want you to think I'm shallow! : ) ). To be honest she could have any guy she wants and I have absolutely no idea why she picked me. It's only 8 months but I love her so much, and I know she's the one!

Anyway, getting back to the topic, in my past, I have been out with about 4 - 5 chinese girls ( my own race ) but have found unfortunately that these have been really negative experiences on the whole. Even though most have been quite average looking, the ones I've gone out with have had some kind of superiority complex whereby they have hang ups about chinese guys being just gamblers who abuse women or treat them badly. I never understood it as I've always been brought up to treat women with respect, and have romanced them treated them well with flowers, dinner etc. etc, but after the first month of dating their superiority complex kicks in, and they have some weird stereotype in their head about chinese men.

About Dantart's post on this board saying that whenever she walks through chinatown with her white boyfriend, she hates getting the evil eye from chinese guys - I would rather have THAT situation than INSTEAD going down my highstreet with my "white" girlfriend, getting the "evil eye" from white guys AND THEN GETTING THE **** KICKED OUT OF ME BY FIVE COWARDLY WHITE GUYS who hate me sleeping with someone of their race, WHICH IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!!!!!!. YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT MIXED RELATIONSHIP RACISM. I WILL TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. Whilst I walked past a gang of five white guys with my girlfriend they began to follow us and taunt us with names like "CHINKY" AND "F*****G B**CH CHINKY - LOVER". Then one of them ran up to my girlfriend and spat on her, I grabbed the little git and pulled him to the floor and punched him and kicked the C**P out of him and then his other four friends decided they would do the reverse back to me. Whilst I was on the floor they spat on Ellen whilst she was trying to help me up and just left us there.

My attitude is s**t happens, but unlike dantart I'm intelligent to realize that not all white guys are like this. - I don't tar people with the same brush.

I think there is a MINORITY of chinese girls who hold racist stereotypes of chinese guys, and I think that has been a large barrier to my relationships with the ones I've been out with. Still, i have to say I still have lots of chinese girls as friends, in fact my best friend is a petite chinese girl and got a great sense of humour and kind too and she's not at all like this, so I have to be careful about not tarring all chinese girls with the same brush. I realize that the ones I went out with are probably the WORST of the lot and I have just probably really unlucky in the draw. SO I HAVE TO MAKE THIS CLEAR THAT I AM NOT ANTI - CHINESE AND NOT ANTI - WHITE as my girlfriend is the most beautiful English Rose, and I also have lots of chinese and white friends, to prove that I have a balanced view.

Unfortunately you can tell who this minority of racist chinese girls tend to be, - it's the girls who have gone out with white guys who have treated me the worst, someone please tell me why this is?????????

Unfortunately also, it's these same EX -chinese girlfriends who ph0ne me ( Crying on the ph0ne, YES CRYING!!! )several months/ years later after we've broken up.

They only tend to want to speak to me, after their affair with a married white guy has not worked out, because the white guy will not leave partner/ wife for the chinese girl that they only wanted sex with. Or my EX - Chinese girlfriend has been going steady with a white guy since they broke up with me, and now realizes their white boyfriend has been cheating on her with other white / chinese women for the last TEN MONTHS, WITHOUT THEM HAVING AN INKLING OR BEING AWARE OF IT!!!!!! (HOW THE **** CAN THIS HAPPEN?, SOMEONE TELL ME?). On one hand I want to tell them to **** OFF for treating me so badly when we were going out, - on the other hand I'm a nice guy so IN MY STUPIDITY I end up spending 2 hrs on the ph0ne hyping up their big but damaged ego's or I end up going around there to comfort them + give them advice in their teary, distressed state because at this time, they have already jacked in their jobs because they are feeling so depressed, and are alone with no money and nowhere else to go. It gets to the point whereby my caucasian GF thinks I'm some kind of naive sucker who lets himself be used. ( She says that as jokingly as poss of course!)

I have to say my GF, Ellen reads these posts and she laughs because she can see that alot of the chinese girls seem to have posts which are so blatantly stereotyping chinese guys. She laughs and tells me "wow these chinese girls must really hate you!" : ), Of course I just tell her to F*** OFF in with as much tongue and cheek as possible, - but then she puts her arm around me and tells me " either that, or these Chinese girls are just stupid B***ches, and that's just the luckier for me!" and then she put both arms around me and gave me the warmest kiss. (And that's why I love her - sigh! ). (She has the weirdest tongue in cheek sense of humour and filthiest mouth though : P : ) :D :wink:

Anyway the point is it's time for chinese guys and gals and white guys and girls to stop slagging each other off because there are always a bad minority in each and that minority should not mould your view UNFAIRLY of the majority.

Just to add a note, I read another post on the chinese girl who goes out with White guys who deny racism exists, it read the following:-

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From sarahmoon

Joined: 10 Sep 2005
Posts: 2
Location: Bath
Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2005 8:58 pm Post subject: Cultural Identity, Racism & Mixed Race Relationships

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------

I know this is kinda like posting 3 topics into one but I just wanted to hear everyone's opinions on the matter(s), as the 3 has been closely intertwined in my life.

Cultural Identity- Being of mixed parentage, I grew up with a fusion of Beijing Chinese culture (from my mum), and British English culture (from my dad). However in terms of relationships, I have mostly gone out with British guys. This is simply due to the fact that I have met more of them at university.

One of the main barriers to my relationships is that my white boyfriends find the topic of racism very difficult to discuss. Sometimes they even claim that racism does not exist and that it is all in my head!

My question is: Can white British boyfriends really truly understand the deep impact that racism can have on the lives of their ethnic minority girlfriends, (be it direct or indirect racism)?

What has other people's experiences of mixed-race relationships been like?

Sarah (university student)[/color]
_________________
Life is like a bath, we must all paddle in the pool of life.

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>>>>>>PHIL'S (MY) reply is:-

I feel sorry for you because racism is something even my gf can see in it's ugliest form even though she is English. I am lucky enough to have a white girl who is courageous enough to condemn her own race for it, even when at times the racist comments are coming from her own nearest, dearest and most loved relatives.

Hope you can meet another guy who is courageous enough to speak up for you - This is what I feel would be the first an one of the most important duties if I were in the position of your boyfriend.

Till next time all.
Yours sincerely

Philly Phil-o :)

mdtt1983 · Joined: 03 Oct 2005 Posts: 18 Location: London

Ok so your a doctor by day and charmer/action hero by night. I couldn't have wrote a better script myself :-) Ever thought about being a novelist?

Phil · Joined: 19 Oct 2005 Posts: 15

To mdtt1983

I guess your last post says something about yourself.

What exactly would you do if some 17/18 yr old scumbag with his big brother or whatever mates, started following you and he ran up in front of you whilst you were walking home with your girlfriend, whilst you are both trying to walk briskly away and then spat on her whilst insulting you and her about your race. It's NOT superhero behaviour to immediately want to run after him and then start kicking and punching the living daylights out of him, it's just an angry reflex reaction, ANYONE WOULD HAVE THIS REACTION.

What would you have done? used bad language?

And if I was a superhero I would have been able to prevent the severe beating I got from his four scummy mates, wouldn't I? In fact if I was a superhero then, I wouldn't have been feeling so s*** and humiliated, in front of my girlfriend, and feeling so depressed and anxious for the next four months after would I?, what do you think I feel whenever I think about it today?

I've worked bloody hard to be where I am today and I've never had an easy upbringing, because I grew up in a pretty poor area got my education in a rubbish school where racism and yobbish behaviour was RIFE but I worked my A**e off to get into a medical school in London. Where were you brought up? you are a marketing exec right? well in my experience people who tend to go into those jobs go into it for the money and you might come from some full - expenses paid public school right? What's wrong with being a Doctor?

Oh and as for being a charmer, I've had my fair share ( ALOT ) of rejections, and been dumped by girls just like other guys, but maybe I get more girls because I hang around and persist, and confident in who I am. The majority of my girlfriends, - I have usually been friends with and known for months previously, - as friends, even before going out. Even with Ellen - I had seen and spoke to her a few times though professional meetings at work in hospital. The hotel dinner was arranged by my consultant, for the whole cardiology team of doctors, she was the drug rep sponsoring the dinner and it was the first time I got to talk to her on a more non - professional basis, and I e - mailed her a cheesy ( probably ) poem on a whim in the hope she would she the funny side, and with a helluva lot of luck she did see the funny side, and agreed to come out with me and get to know me better. What exactly is " so special" about the charm I used there? AREN'T THEY JUST BASIC PRINCIPLES OF COURTING?

You have quite a smart - mouth, but in my life I've found a smart mouth and making assumptions always gets you into trouble.

mdtt1983 · Joined: 03 Oct 2005 Posts: 18 Location: London

Phil,

If my last post says anything about myself, it's that i like to have a laugh and I always try to be honest to people.

I also think your last post says alot about yourself, if you don't mind me saying. I think you take things very seriously and 'more so' Negatively. You could have quite easily taken my comment as a compliment but its appears that you didn't.

Regarding your question of what I would have done if some 17/18 yr old scumbag with his bruvva/mate spat on my girlfriend and insulted us about my race whilst walking home? I would have given him a peace of my mind (so yes, I would use bad language).

My main concern would be my girlfriends safety, how do you know they don't have other mates dogging you while you storm off to play hero. Besides, even if you managed to beat the living the day lights out of them, how would that go down in the eyes of the law?

I suspect you'd be banged up before you can open you mouth and say "arhhhh". Headline: Doctor causes GBH to two teenage boys - does not go down well...believe me, whatever your story...

And no I didn't come from some posh nosh public school. I was brought up in a all white community and a pretty dreadful state school. So now look whos making all the assumptions? So don't talk to me like you're the only one who has worked your ass off, and don't talk to me like you're the only one whos ever had a beating. You don't know the half of whats happening in society today.

I think you need to brighten up and dwelling on what's happened to you in the past.

Phil · Joined: 19 Oct 2005 Posts: 15

Hey MDT

I was only making the point that racism is always gonna be there and we are all naive when we start believing it doesn't exist. It really makes me unhappy when I hear the younger generation of chinese can go out with people who can DENY racism against exists, or asking whether it's okay to refer to themselves as chinks. It's really denigrating.

Listen, you are right - I do have a really large chip on my shoulder, but I'd be ready to move on if I saw things change but from my point of view nothing much has changed. There is a younger generation which knows nothing about what has happened in the past and that to me is dangerous, because once you are caught being ignorant and off guard then you've already lost the opportunity to make a difference.

Yes I do think it is a serious issue. Anyway it was a great response from you and hopefully this will spark a more serious debate.

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