Image problems

Speechless · Joined: 14 Apr 2003 Posts: 7

My friend said to me a while back that she was starting to put on weight, that overweight people in HK are treated differently (negatively) so had to lose weight to fit in.

It made me think because the past few months, I've been trying to put on weight, wear less make up and wear clothes that are generally dull and camouflaging. British people seem to exert this influence on each other that you cannot be too "different." Being a Chinese, you are already a minority, being a slim and or attractive Chinese is asking for no friends.

My old workplace seemed to have this group of loud, obnoxious women who dominated it. They were all overweight and unattractive and seemed to use gossip and bitchiness as a form of rapport. They only started to treat me nicely when I cut my hair (badly), wore baggy clothes and stopped talking to the men in the workplace. I'm not saying a have a to-die-for figure, but generally speaking, British women tend to be bigger, so even a size 10 is anorexic to them.

Are there any other Chinese/BBC women who have this problem? Sometimes HK may be seen as materialistic and superficial, but I wish I could take more pride in my appearance. :(

OceanLee · Joined: 27 Feb 2003 Posts: 85

Oh bloody hell! What's wrong with looking the way you want to look? Maybe it's because I'm a guy and I "just don't understand", but I doubt looking the way you look has anything to do with being friendless. If these women are so obnoxious (whether due to their physical appearance or not) why the hell do you want them to speak to you in the first place? Or maybe people don't like to speak to you because you look foreign? Well, hell, I don't want to speak to anyone who's a card carrying member of the BNP either!

I think you're probably looking at things all wrong and it's not a matter of what "I" can change to fit in. Rather, be more introspective and ask yourself if the things you change are a benefit to you, or a benefit to others (less of a threat).

I don't mean to be rude, or pretend I'm Freud, but I have had to but up with superficiality of the highest order from my fashion student sister, which has in turn ground out the superficiality in me. That, and the fact that I'm fed up of seeing the Chinese as a subservient race (at least on American media).

assis104s · Joined: 31 Mar 2003 Posts: 145

Hi speechless

Sorry to hear tha you are having these problems. i must admit that I can identify with what you are saying to some extent. i think the issue may be less about your appearance and more a question of confidence?

It certainly has been in my case. I tend to dress very conservatively because I am pretty shy and don't like people approaching me.

Having said that, i think that ryng to fit in with British people by changing your appearance is never going to work, ultimately you are always going to look different to British people, and nothing will be able to change that.

You should try and feel more confident about who you are and how you present yourself...everyone likes confidence. You'll find it easier to make friends and talk to people that way. It will make you feel more confident about being Chinese - something you should be proud of and celebrate, not something to hide , by putting on weight etc.

There's no point in being friends with those women at your last job anyway - they sound like a horrible bunch of people!

songbook · Joined: 21 Mar 2003 Posts: 9

Why do you want to be friends with people you call "obnoxious"? There are horrible people wherever you go in life, you just learn to avoid them. I don't think they're "jealous" because one is an "attractive Chinese." On the contrary I don't believe many Caucasian women are jealous of women of "ethnic minority", because they know they have more advantages over them, including the image of being more physically attractive.
I've met a lot of loud, obnoxious women, but there are also a lot of women who are not. They normally turn out to be rude to everybody. Some are not that attractive, some are gorgeous. Find people who are bearable to be with.

Speechless · Joined: 14 Apr 2003 Posts: 7

Thank you for all your replies, I've learnt to be more confident recently. I've discovered that faced with an equally "obnoxious" opponent, these people shrink away doubly quickly.

OceanLee · Joined: 27 Feb 2003 Posts: 85

emem · Joined: 22 May 2003 Posts: 39

I do have to say that all the replys here have a valid point. But, the problem does exist. It is not a matter of confidence; but on how you look like at work, doing a presentation to clients.

My sister recently moved to America, and her boss picks on her choice of colour when choosing her shirt! That's outrage. She felt the glass ceiling at work, because she refused to imitate "whiteness".

I had been out on a relationship with a white person, and that person used to refuse, and I say, make a big fuse out of my wearing a bright yellow shirt, with a snoopy in front of it. (Wonder what I was thinking at that time?)

I feel that at work, if there's a dress code, but if they have no color code, or weight code, or hair cut code, there is a valid point to complain on the subtle racism that they give you.
_________________
EM

Starlet · Joined: 26 May 2003 Posts: 14

I'm not sure that this whole image dress issue is to do with racism at all...I have English friends who find the way a lot of young chinese people dress too OTT but this is not a reflection associated with chinese culture but more to do with fashion. I think anyone regardless of race have the same response when it comes to seeing people wearing slightly wacky and bright clothes that stand out.

I have personally had more problems with chinese people. I have found the vast majority of chinese people: friends and family included utterly obsessed with weight and fashion labels. They cannot help themselves when it comes to commenting on your weight especially when you're putting it on. I am a size 12/14 and my English friends consider this healthy and normal. In chinese circles I am fat verging on obesity requiring immediate and drastic dieting! This perception is far more acute when you go to Hong Kong - over here you're a Medium size. Over there, you are "Large". I also feel that chinese guys in general prefer petite girls no larger than a size 10 anyway. I have chinese friends dating chinese guys and they all have a real problem when their girlfriends put on weight and want to control what they eat.

I would love to be corrected on this issue so I would love to hear any comments from chinese guys on this! I never get attention from Chinese guys - maybe I am just too "fat?!" Whereas English guys can't get enough of my curves!

emem · Joined: 22 May 2003 Posts: 39

Totally agree with the fact that people do try to alienate or threat people in a weird way when not in conventional fashion. Try wearing bikini in a beach in a muslim country, and you will be frowned upon.

But, what I was saying that it is not just as light as it being "different", if you are wearing accordingly with the dress code of office work; but was threated badly because you had a haircut that is suitable for CHinese face. That is, a slight as I mentioned before, SUBTLE, racism.

I was once told by my English friend (who is a conservative -- which makes me wonder why I once was good friend of his); it is not that welcoming for people to wear sari when attending party within the people who are in Elitist English circle. That is a definite racism. So, the same for the subtle difference in Chinese people's taste of jeans, or genetical structure (when girls can eat 6 huge meals a day and still be size 10/12? I eat a lot, and am a size 8/10; and my housemate, eat more than me, but is smaller than size 8)

And, weight factor is not down to only Chinese people. Or else why would girls all over the 1st world countries be having eating disorder? My father (100% pure Hokkian) love my mum, who had been size 16 all her life! It is not true that Chinese guys only like skinny 108pounds girls!

And, about Chinese guys who asked the girls to go on diet when the girls gain weight. Behold the day you girlfriend be fat after childbirth.
Another point, build some muscle and start being stronger so you won't be complaining about the extra weight, when your girlfriend is cuddling you!
_________________
EM

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