Chinese/English Marriage traditions

Speechless · Joined: 14 Apr 2003 Posts: 7

Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for the wedding in British famillies. Does this clash with Chinese traditions where the groom/groom's family are supposed to pay for the marriage? My parents are very traditional, a boyfriend would be expected to look after me whether I needed or did not need looking after. If I went out with an English guy, my parents paying for me to elope would be a major problem, to them, friends and family.. "so-and so's daughter had to pay to get married." Being a BBC, predominately brought up in a White environment, I would still, rightly or wrongly feel like I've let down my parents. What are your views on this from my family situation? And then, from your perspective?

VerticalHorizon · Joined: 15 Apr 2003 Posts: 9

A work mate was in a similar situation. Her family wanted the traditional do. The hubby to be was an English guy ( A Chef! ), who had no problems with how the wedding was to be organised. They both wanted something easy and she didnt have too much knowledge about the traditions - she impressed on her family, it was her wedding and to not be so old fashion in their ways.

Personally, I think a compromise is needed for all the guests. English wedding with cantopop! yeah! Twinsssssss Yessssssssss!!!!!!

sp · Joined: 27 Feb 2003 Posts: 218

I (the groom) will be paying for our wedding. We are both British Born Chinese.

In a mixed marriage, perhaps it makes sense to spilt the costs?

crab · Joined: 25 Feb 2003 Posts: 34

congratulations guys!

I have taken more of a western approach by choosing to live with my partner instead of getting married. I wonder what the chinese view is on that?

Guest · Posted: Tue May 06, 2003 3:14 pm Post subject:

Yes, in a Chinese wedding, the groom's family will pay for all the expenses.

That includes gifts of expensive foodstuffs to the bride's family although they give some back as a matter or tradition I think. The jewels and gold bracelets goes without saying.

The banquet will pay for itself from all the red packets the couple receives from the guests.

And of course there is the delicate matter of dowry from the groom's family to the bride's family which is usually negociated at a dim sum lunch with both families in attendance.

The planning for the wedding that is required is on par with the planning required for the Allied invasion of Normandy in 1944.

In my case, I shortcircuited the entire process and flew off to Las Vegas with my Hong Kong born fiancee and had the ceremony there. Quick and easy. Never had any regrets in doing so. I did have to pay the dowry which enraged me.

I would say do what you feel most comfortable with. The full works or the Vegas option or do what John Lennon did, go to Gibralter for his wedding.

Danny

darntart · Joined: 28 Feb 2003 Posts: 64

Excuse my ignorance, but paying for a dowry - is that something that is the norm in chinese families?

I haven't heard of it amongst my friends in the UK...

Perhasp that's why my dad has been rubbing his hands together about my new partner!!

eye_candy1870 · Joined: 08 May 2003 Posts: 86

speechless,

You are going to have children with another race and you are debating the 'traditional cultural' cost of the wedding issue. Get real.

Guest · Posted: Mon May 12, 2003 2:36 am Post subject:

Well I don't know if this issue of a dowry is still considered an essential part of marriage customs of the Chinese in the UK but I certainly had to pay a sum for the privilege of taking a daughter away from her mother. My brother-in-law also paid when he married my wife's sister.

I remember discussing the amount with my colleagues at the time. A friend of mine, a Chinese Canadian, asked me about the sum but I didn't want to reveal how much I paid.

In HK, it is expected that a sum (for want of a better word) is paid.

Speechless · Joined: 14 Apr 2003 Posts: 7

Guest · Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2003 1:09 pm Post subject:

Apologies if I seem to snub your heritage, it is not the case, but do you feel by paying a dowry that you are 'buying' your future wife from her family? Also, how much would a dowry be?

amyip · Joined: 25 Feb 2003 Posts: 25 Location: London

eye_candy1870 · Joined: 08 May 2003 Posts: 86

amy,

as i have said before I have seen your pic and it is not me who is the troll around here...

BTW my gf has read your posts and aks whether you have chinese mates?

amyip · Joined: 25 Feb 2003 Posts: 25 Location: London

amyip · Joined: 25 Feb 2003 Posts: 25 Location: London

And as for being a troll, you sound an awful lot like someone else from another website.

malnoh · Joined: 05 Mar 2004 Posts: 42

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