Firstly I have to say that the site is very well presented, the articles interesting, and the concept behind the whole thing to be praised.

I happen to be a Brit (half-Welsh half English). Only became interested in Asian culture about four years ago when I met large numbers of South East Asian's who had come to the UK to study at my university. In particular I got to know a lot of Malaysians. One of those became my girlfriend, then fiance, and we are getting married this year.

Carolyn has made many friends since arriving in London, initially with other students who were from all over the world. More recently she has made many white British friends. However, the one group from which she has been unable to form friendships are the Chinese. Obviously I am biased, but others tell me she is very good company, so why is it so hard to be part of what is going on amongst UK Chinese?

She tells me, and I have observed much evidence of this for myself, that the many Chinese in the UK won't even speak to her in English (her first language), even if they can speak English fluently. She described it as feeling like she is being punished for not speaking Chinese, for somehow not being Chinese enough. She also explains that the Chinese here are of, predominantly, Hong Kong or mainland origin, and that she has encountered many Chinese here who regard her as being almost Non-Chinese because she comes from Malaysia.

We are both made only too well aware of what many Chinese think of a Chinese girl marrying a White man too. But again only the Chinese have ever commented on our mixed race relationship. Carolyn has been described as "A mail order bride", "A Banana", "Stupid for not speaking very good Cantonese" and all by other Chinese. Her only experience of this kind of venom outside of the UK Chinese community was some years ago in Melbourne, Australia. She has never been treated that way by white/British people. I have an older half brother who is black, so my family have been "multi-cultural" since the late 1940's and marrying Chinese just isn't an issue. The only questions my family have ever asked were to do with how they might make a "Malaysian" feel more at home with them.

As a white man who will, god willing, be father to some British Chinese children it worries me that the Chinese here make is so difficult for those Chinese who do not conform to their particular model of what is "Chinese".
I want my Children to grow up proud of their British and their Chinese heritages and to pass these traditions onto their children in turn. I also dearly love my future wife and desperately want her to find some of those things here that I know she misses about home.

If to be non-discriminatory is to have an "inclusive" society, then the exclusiveness of the Chinese communities is itself discriminatory. I'd like my Chinese family to be able to celebrate their heritage and culture, to explore it in the way that I am able to explore my Welsh, English, and indeed my brother's Nigerian heritage. I'd like to learn to be able to participate in that celebration and discovery too. Whether they get to do that, or I get to join in is largely up to the Chinese in the UK. If, like us, you want to see Britain as a truly inclusive society and you are Chinese, perhaps you can do something change that part of society that you are part of.

True Love: East meets West

 

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