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Having been a larger girl all my life (I’ve yo-yo’ed from UK sizes 12 – 26 - I didn't have a good time growing up and used to comfort eat to take the pain away), I am tall though, and now at my fittest and healthiest at a size 14, I feel prouder than I’ve ever been at myself (and I look good!). Butt is tight and firm, boobs are higher and sticking out, stomach is flat. I train with a trainer twice a week for 90 minutes of boot camp exercise, including boxing and weights, then do another three sessions of cardio on top. Four months ago I could only run for two minutes without cardiac arrest, but now I’m up to twenty-five. OK, I still need to lose some weight, but it is steadily going down and I look good! And if you don’t believe me you can ask for references from some of the very hot guys I’ve been seeing in the past year (sadly, none of them Chinese).
I had to fly out to Hong Kong as my grandmother was critically ill and in a coma. Having not been out since I was a teenager, I had mixed feelings about returning to my homeland. But I looked forward to seeing her and really hoped that I could get to have that last face-to-face conversation I kept telling myself we would have. Also, as I’d get to see the rest of the family that I never see as we’re on opposite sides of the Atlantic.
I stepped off a wonderful Virgin flight to be met by stares from literally every Chinese person at the airport. I thought it was because I was in my nicest designer top, with my beautiful Zara jacket and new pumps. But then a few minutes later, realised that the stares were accompanied by frowns, or worse, snide giggles. Too tired after fifteen hours of travelling and just wanting to get to my grandmother, I decided to focus on getting to my destination.
I was met by some family that I haven’t seen for a few years and the first thing that came out of their mouth’s were ‘I thought you’d been training? Why are you still so fat?’. I was so stunned, I didn’t reply. When I got to the apartment that I was staying at, the rest of the family all laughed when I walked through the door, exclaiming how huge and chunky I was. Then came all the questions about my diet – ‘you must eat so much white rice’! (Actually, I don’t eat any carbs that aren’t wholemeal , and in particular, I’ve cut out rice). ‘Well, you must eat so much fat then’. (Actually, no, I don’t eat any trans fats or processed foods – only healthy fats in moderation, like everything else). ‘Well then, you obviously don’t exercise’. (See first paragraph about the weekly sadistic workouts).
Having been used to the politeness and general niceness of European people, where I live, this all came as a bit of a shock. But I figured, it’s just because they haven’t seen me, they’ll get over this by tomorrow, especially with the serious business of my grandmother’s health.
But I was wrong, and worse was still to come.
My first day in Hong Kong, I was met by disgusted looks by it’s people. Some would elbow each other as they saw me approaching, then dissolve into hysterics as I walked past. One point, I was so mortified, I jumped into a taxi only to be immediately told by the driver that he was afraid his car wouldn’t make it up a slope as I was so heavy, he figured the car would roll backwards and crash. Then after he finished laughing, he asked how much I weighed. Then proceeded to tell me that his sister is really fat and ugly too, so he knew how I felt. I remained as silent as I had been when I stepped into his cab. At this point, I would like to reiterate again, that I may be bigger than society and health professionals dictate I should be, and I am certainly huge compared to most size zeroish (UK size 4ish) Chinese people, but I am by no means, ugly.
Two hours later, I took a bus with my mother. Ignoring the looks of the passengers, I sat with my mother and was having fun discussing something funny, when I looked out the window at the car moving alongside. Inside, there were three men on the backseat. They saw me, pointed and rolled in the back laughing. Around this point, I flipped. I pointed right back and laughed hysterically at them (come to think of it, I probably was hysterical by then). That unnerved them for a second. I guess they’d never had that reaction before. Then I pointed at all three of them and gestured that they all have one inch (insert a rude word here that rhymes with ‘prick’). They were completely stunned and stopped laughing instantly. It’s probably the only time I felt empowered during the whole ten day trip.
I could go on to list every single degrading and abusive thing that was done to me while I was there, some by family (one particular family member who I am very close to, actually avoided walking and talking with me as he was so ashamed to be seen with me) but mostly, I was attacked by strangers. However, that is not the point of this article. When I managed to regroup and not get so defensive (which is hard when you feel like you are under attack just for being alive), I suddenly took a big look around me.
The first thing I noticed was, although the place was full of slim people, they were mostly short and unfit. Girls in particular were weedy and unhealthily frail, with many suffering from the lollipop syndrome, you know, when your head is too big for your body because you keep starving yourself. And I found none that I wound deem beautiful (but then I think strong, empowered women who have good hearts are beautiful). Men, well, let’s just say I was most stunned by the men who were laughing at me and calling me ugly – did they never look in the mirror as none of these guys would be winning any good-looking competitions in this lifetime.
When I stopped making myself feel better by mentally attacking my attackers (wrong I know, but a girl needs some vices seeing as I’m not legally allowed to use my boxing skills on them) I suddenly realised, that there were quite a few heavier people around. But then I saw how their demeanour was. They kept their eyes down, were timid and apologetic about being alive. If someone picked on them, they just lowered their eyes and let them continue. They let them continue.
The worst incidences were always in eateries or clothes stores. In restaurants, if someone larger was eating, they were meek as mice and terrified of making eye contact. And clothes shopping? I was taken to a few bargain stores that stock ‘fat clothes’. I was told I’d be bound to find stuff as no one in Hong Kong fits in them. When I got there, the sales staff realised I was foreign (therefore monied in their eyes) and targeted me. They grabbed lots of hideous clothes that they thrust at me, insisting that they would fit me. I told them I’m sure that that top wouldn’t but they disagreed. In the end, I thought I’d put it on just to show them I was right. When I came out of the changing room, they were joyously exclaiming, ‘see, it fits!’. The top was a size 28 and was enormous on me. It absolutely did not fit. Nor did it look good. When I turned it down, the sales staff were stunned. As I’d managed to get it on, they figured I would buy it. They actually were amazed that I was concerned over whether it suited me, or looked nice, while I was stunned that they couldn’t distinguish between a size 16 and 28. One confused sales girl actually asked ‘why do you care how it looks, you’re fat?’.
Apparently, in Hong Kong, if you’re ‘fat’ you shouldn’t care how you dress or take care in your appearance as you are, say it with me again, U.G.L.Y.
Remember school, and being bullied. Imagine if that was a daily occurrence of your life and there was no one to report the bullies to? There’s nothing you can do, and if you stand up for yourself, the bullies are offended by your audacity. FAT PEOPLE, do you not know your place?
Well, yes I do. I know that I am a confident, successful and beautiful woman who has a kind heart and would never abuse a person. I am savvy enough to know that a person’s worth is not dictated by the exterior, but rather by what qualities lie beneath. I have the intelligence to understand that the treatment I experienced is not acceptable in any part of the globe, but especially one that is educated and considered a modern, free world society…and one of the world’s top ten cities to visit (just remember not to come if you’re over a size ten and especially if you are also Chinese as you will understand what the people are actually saying about you).
I hate to say this, but I believe this to be another form of female oppression, the modern foot-binding that our ancestors so creatively came up with.
I leave you with this thought - Fatism is the only prejudice that is legally still allowed. It needs to be abolished just like racism and smoking in public places.
By the way, my grandmother came out of her coma and was delighted to see me, regardless of my size.
What are you views? Is there too much pressure to conform to the rights size? Share your thoughts here.
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