| The life of a woman is like a vagabond, drifting from one man to another |
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| Features | |
| Sunday, 14 March 2010 | |
UPWIND DIRECTIONEXCLUSIVE - Dimsum publishes an excerpt of the first English translation of Xi-Nan's debut novel Upwind Direction - a story of loneliness and heartache in a foreign land. Life in the UK can be cruel and lonely, what lengths will you go to to survive? Xi-Nan is a female, post-80s generation, Chinese independent writer living in London. Xi-Nan has also written for numerous British and Chinese Media publications including BBCUK China and the UK Chinese Times. Upwind Direction is Xi-Nan's first novel. The life of a woman is like a life of a vagabond, drifting from one man to another.'Xi Nan's debut novel Upwind Direction is not your typical memoir of a student's recollections overseas. Instead she deliberately highlighted the love life and sentimentality of Chinese students studying here. Upwind Direction portrays an acute sense of loneliness and desperation for those who try to divert themselves from their boredom, which leads to some painful lessons learnt along the way.
EXCERPT: July, 2004. Little B looked at my crying face and casually said: "Why don't you understand? Do not ask too much from men, and do not be too strict to yourself. Turn a blind eye to mistakes, that's the golden rule for keeping a relationship work." September, 2004. I was huddling in the school dormitory in Newcastle suburb and listening to my own heartbeats between the four walls. "As long as you breathe hard, you can see the miracle." I said to myself. My own voice resounded in the empty room, appeared to be so lonely. December, 2004. Yu got out of my bed, stood up, and stared at my eyes: "You are destined to belong to me. Only to me." I pulled up the quilt to cover my naked body, avoiding his eyes. "Don't be a fool." I said, "We are all alone here. You need some company, so do I. And that's it." Outside the window, moonlight was dim. Why, why the moon in Newcastle is not any brighter than the moon in Beijing? August, 2005. I held a white bowl in my hand, glassily eyed the foetal sac that just came out from my body. It's now inside the bowl. So I said in my mind: My dear baby, do thank God for his pardoning! Your life ended before a start, so there is no panic, no fear, no experience, and therefore no pain. If I would be selfish enough to bring you to this world, let you go through the painful time I have experienced, how could I possibly bear it in my already broken heart? If there is an afterlife, let me have the same fate as your do; or turn into a stone, a gust of wind, or whatever thing that is lifeless, without a spirit... And yes, that is what I want for myself. Summer, 2006. In Manchester, a cheap hotel opposite to a Chinese restaurant, Zhe and I made love for the last time. "So you have made up your mind, huh?" he asked. I sighed: "What else do you expect? You say that you love me, but what would your wife think of your words?" Zhe did not answer. I knew that was the end. A long time after, I finally got to understand those words: The life of a woman is like a life of a vagabond, drifts from one man to another.
About the author Xi-Nan is a female, post-80s generation, Chinese independent writer living in London; She graduated with an MSc in Comparative Politics at the London School of Economics and Political Science and has been writing since middle school. Xi Nan's work includes literary creations, commentaries on current affairs, and news reports. Her work has appeared widely in varied media around the world, including BBC UKChina, China News Service, Nanfang Daily, Yangcheng Evening News, The China Press / US Qiaobao, EU Chinese Journal, andUK Chinese Times, etc.
To Follow - Dimsum interviews author Xi-Nan www.writer-xinan.spaces.live.com www.xi-nan.com |
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