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| Wednesday, 11 February 2009 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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My confused relationship with Hong Kong
Recently, I’ve read a few articles and forum contributions about living in Hong Kong, such as this “Viewpoint” piece called “Full Circle” from Ping-Ping Wong.
Having observed Chinese New Year, my husband and I discussed how we’ve never celebrated it in Hong Kong. My in-laws are there now and would like us to go one year for the Lunar New Year. That certainly would be an experience to watch the fireworks from Victoria Harbour.
As a British-born Chinese (BBC) whose parents came to the UK in the early 1960s, I’ve always had a confused relationship with Hong Kong. Growing up, I used to go in the summers with my parents to stay with relatives.
Many BBCs visit Hong Kong at some point in their lives – usually, the first time is with their parents for a holiday. I’d hazard a guess that going there for most is mixed up with getting in touch with their roots and to see first-hand what their parents have been going on about all this time. Sometimes, too, this is the first trip back for the parents after many years overseas and there’s a sense of wonder in their rediscovery of their childhood home.
My parents always wanted to retire to Hong Kong and bought a flat in Kowloon years ago for this eventuality, but although they go back and visit each year, they don’t stay long-term and it doesn’t seem like they will. In reality, they’ve been in England for over 45 years; nearly twice as long as they were in Hong Kong. In truth, they’re as uncomfortable with the humidity of the Hong Kong summers as I am and prefer the rhythm of their life in the UK.
I never made up my mind whether I fitted into Hong Kong life and was tempted to go and explore after university, but in the end I never took the plunge. However, some BBCs do – although I’m not aware of any statistics or research on this subject.
In the next 10 or 20 years, I’ll probably have to confront whether I’ll spend more time in Hong Kong. I can see a situation where my children want to get to know their ancestral homeland, or my parents need help with their Hong Kong affairs. And even the possibility I could retire there.
So I begin a new conversation with fellow BBCs in Hong Kong and find out what it’s really like. I spoke to four people who’ve made the transition and we talked candidly about their identity and feelings about the place, and practical matters, such as language and dating.
From anecdotal evidence, it seems likely some BBCs may look to Asia to find work as the UK economy worsens. My relatives tell me the economic situation is weakening in Hong Kong, too so finding a job is getting harder. However, for those thinking about a move, here’s a flavour of how a few BBCs (born or raised) see Hong Kong.
Four who went to Hong Kong
For reasons of confidentiality, names have been changed. Three moved to Hong Kong in the mid-1990s and one more recently. Their occupations range from homemaker to working in the corporate, financial or legal sectors. Their ages are mid-20s to mid-30s.
Pamela grew up in a small town in southern England where there were few Chinese families. Her upbringing was typical of many BBCs – her parents owned a takeaway and all the children helped out so no hanging out or going out with her peers. She felt different at school as one of only a few Chinese children there, but didn’t experience any real racism.
Natalie was born in Hong Kong and moved to San Francisco (the most diverse place she has been to) when she was 4-years-old. She lived in Staffordshire and various parts of Britain from age 12. The first time she felt real racism was as the only non Caucasian at her school in Staffordshire.
Sam grew up in new town outside of London where his father owned a restaurant and a takeaway, and a decent sized Chinese community grew from the 1960s. It was a working class town where he admits many of the locals were pretty racist. He went to the local comprehensive, worked at the shop and stayed out of trouble. He had a traditional upbringing that emphasised he was different at home.
Stephen was born in Hong Kong and moved to Scotland at very young age so he had no recollections of Hong Kong. His parents owned a takeaway and he helped out from a young age. His parents were too busy working for the family to spend time with the Chinese community. While he considered himself as Chinese, his friends thought of him as Scottish – he sounded Scottish, ate fish ‘n’ chips, watched Monty Python and never referred to Hong Kong.
Hong Kong beckons – Identity Quandary
SC: What made you move to Hong Kong?
Pamela: “In the mid-90s, the job prospects were better than in Europe. I also had a Hong Kong boyfriend, which was half the reason.”
Natalie: “It never felt like home for me in Britain.”
Sam: “It seemed everyone was moving there at the time; the markets were booming and jobs were easy to find. I felt I really needed to have a fresh life and get back to my roots.”
Stephen: “I wanted to go to a financial capital after my graduation. I considered Hong Kong because of my Chinese background. Being young, I decided to throw caution to the wind and uproot (even then, you could see the potential for the China market to grow).”
SC: How did you feel when you first arrived? How do you feel now?
Pamela: “A foreigner at first; lost and disorientated with few avenues to seek help professionally. After 10 years, I felt quite at home in Hong Kong, although I still felt I was between two worlds of locals and foreigners. And now, I’ve just moved to Singapore.”
Natalie: “I was scared to live in Hong Kong, but I had come back every summer so I knew what I was getting myself into. I was excited (a scared kind of excited) to start my career. It can be lonely, but I can be anonymous when I want to be. I have no regrets about moving here.”
Sam: “I missed the UK badly for the first 18 months. Colleagues would tease me for being ‘white’, English or not Chinese enough and that would make me less comfortable expressing myself in Chinese. It got better, especially when I started dating a local girl. I feel comfortable living here now. Knowing the ‘in’ things and being exposed to popular culture helps. It’s all about language, I feel. Colloquial Cantonese is very much based on cultural references. In normal conversation, my Cantonese is pretty indistinguishable from locals.”
Stephen: “I felt lost at first. Hong Kong is a culture shock and it took me a while to get used to it. The sense of awe and wonder is long gone. Hong Kong is like any large city – there are things it does well and things it doesn’t do well. Cantonese was the biggest challenge when I first got here. Growing up in the UK, I spoke English with my brother and Hakka with my parents. In the early days, conversation was hard as I would think in English, translate to Hakka and then try to translate to Cantonese. You wouldn’t believe the amount of TV I watched to hear more local Cantonese. Now I no longer have trouble with conversational Cantonese, but struggle with Hakka!”
SC: How are you viewed by Hong Kong people?
Pamela: “My Cantonese wasn’t good when I first arrived: it was enough to get by, but as soon as I opened my mouth people either looked at me strangely before answering, or burst out laughing saying I was obviously a ‘chuk sing’ or bamboo stick, meaning in-between cultures. After 10 years, I got very proficient, especially in the slang and even some of the more formal business terms, although I still retain that miniscule accent that gives me away to the locals.”
Natalie: “They see me as a Westerner with negative undertones like being fat and loud (too outspoken), but they also see me as qualified for my job.”
Sam: “For the first few years, I was a foreigner, then ‘banana’ or ‘mango’. Now sometimes I get “Yes, I know you’re Chinese, but no, you’re British.” I think people’s views of being Chinese is based on the Hong Kong version, or if you’re in mainland China, the mainland Chinese version. For locals, there isn’t a BBC version of being Chinese. Generally, I’m accepted and have no problems getting things done. If the worst comes to the worst, I put on my British hat and refuse to speak Cantonese, for example, to telesales people to put the balance in my favour.”
Stephen: “Local people see me as being British. The funny thing is when I was in the UK, I considered myself as Chinese and now I’m in Hong Kong, I see myself as being British. Having said all that, I’ve never had any problems making friends with locals so it isn’t an issue.”
Being Single & Dating
Hong Kong’s 2006 census shows there are 912 men for every 1,000 women. The census also shows a 43.8 percent rise over five years of women living on their own – from 127,001 to 182,648 – as more choose to live independent lives.
SC: What is dating like in Hong Kong? How is it seen if you date a non Chinese?
Pamela: “I’ve been in a relationship most of the time, but I think it’s tough to find someone sincere. People have a lot of choices so it can be a bit superficial.”
Natalie: “The locals see it as a sport. Girls want good looking guys and guys only want the model stick type. It’s a very Asian structure of dating – very image and reputation based. Those who break up tend to miss the status of being someone’s lover rather than the person. It wouldn’t be shocking if I was dating a white guy, but if people saw me with a black or Indian guy, they’ll wonder what the heck was I thinking.”
Sam: “I don’t mean this is any vain way, but people tell me I’m pretty marketable as a single, mid-30s guy with an established career, who knows what he wants and has property. It would be fairly easy, if I wanted to date more widely.”
Stephen: “Dating is very different from the UK. Although a lot of Hong Kong women are financially independent, they still like to be treated like princesses. Coming from the UK (where women seem to be more independent), it took a while to adjust to all the extra pampering you need to give here. As for dating non-Chinese, Hong Kong people are generally very practical and don’t care what you do as long as it doesn’t affect them. Having said all that, there may be a prejudice against dating black people.”
SC: Is there a stigma attached to being single in your 20s or 30s and is this different for the sexes?
Pamela: “There’s not really a stigma in being single as people are busy working and generally wait later to get married. The pressure I think is from people asking who you’re dating and what to do when all your friends are hooked up.”
Natalie: “It’s all good for the guys, but if you’re 30, female and single, people pity you and wish you luck, literally. The local people I know who don’t pity themselves for being unmarried are educated and aren’t worried for their financial future.”
Sam: “Single men in their 30s can be viewed positively, but not so for women. It’s more pronounced in Hong Kong since many women work in finance and the hours are long, often finishing at 11 PM, so there’s little scope to have social lives, or much of one. Because of this, the underlying thinking for many women, even in their mid-20s, is they should have a plan (what they’re going to get out of a relationship) by their late 20s, or 30 at the latest. It feeds in from family and social pressures to get married, or have a long-term partner. Many of my female friends can’t just find a flat and live by themselves; it’s not acceptable, unless your family are more western-educated or minded, or you hit 30 and your sense of independence from home has always been strong. Having said all that, my female friends who choose to remain single or be happy with their circumstance have built solid, successful lives for themselves and have solid support networks.”
Stephen: “I have several friends in their 30s and unmarried (some dating, some cohabiting) and as far as I can tell, there’s no stigma as such. Perhaps, the only stigma would be from family and other members of the older generation who still have traditional values.”
Home away from Home
SC: How do you feel about the UK now you live in Hong Kong? Would you move back to the UK?
Pamela: “I wouldn’t choose to live in the UK due to tax, climate and cost of living reasons, but I do miss the peacefulness and, sometimes, the slower and simpler pace of life. I’m now in Singapore and hope to stay here for my young children to grow up as it’s a good compromise between the convenience and bustle of Hong Kong and the more laid back atmosphere of the UK.”
Natalie: “I miss the clothes in the UK; that’s it. I think I’ll go back for a visit someday. I know I won’t be in Hong Kong forever, but it’s too early to say how many years I’ll be here – it could be 10 years, or it could be 20. If I do have children, I’d like to move to Canada.”
Sam: “When I came back to the UK to work in 2004, it didn’t work out. It dawned on me for the first time that a lot of things weren’t meant for us – I felt on the outside looking in. Growing up in the UK, I didn’t have any issues talking about going to the races or to the boat race, but in 2004 after living so long in Asia I felt I didn’t quite belong anymore. In Asia, I was used to going to hotels and fine restaurants for meals, but when I was back in London I went to a famous hotel, which wasn’t exorbitant, but culturally I felt out of place. I see myself in Hong Kong permanently, at least in career terms. Maybe, if I have children I’d consider going back to make use of the university system.”
Stephen: “I’ll always have a soft spot for the UK. When all’s said and done, my formative years were spent there and I have a lot of fond memories. Now that I’m married to a local girl and have a family, I see myself living in Hong Kong permanently.”
Share your views
I admit this is only four people’s viewpoints. Ask your BBC friends or family who’ve gone back how they feel. Perhaps, you have questions about living in Hong Kong and want to ask in this forum, and see whether those who know can share their experiences. Write your thoughts below or email me direct at: This email address is being protected from spam bots, you need Javascript enabled to view it .
SUSAN S. CHEUNG
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